Book Recommendations
As a constant learner, I value what can be gained from good books. Even works of fiction, which help us to see the world from someone else’s point of view, can be valuable for increasing our ability to reflect. Below I have listed some of the good books I treasure, along with the reason for their recommendation, and a favorite quote from the book. I only list books which I have personally read in their entirety. The recommendation also comes with an affiliate link, meaning I gain a small incentive payment when books are purchased after the link is clicked.
Why Love Matters: How Affection Shapes a Baby’s Brain
by Sue Gerhardt
If you are ready for a dense, deep dive into attachment science this is the book for you. It’s thick with research references, but made for a general audience. While the emphasis is on early childhood development, the author frequently extrapolates out to adult life. And also, are we not all still kids inside some of the time.
Favorite Quote: “To be able to notice and respond to others’ feelings, takes up time. It requires a kind of mental space to be allocated to feelings and a willingness to prioritize relationships. This is a challenge to a goal-oriented society.” (p. 246)
Daring Greatly: How the Courage to be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead
by Brene Brown
Healthy relationships (including with a therapist) requires lots and lots of vulnerability. This book helps us to see why vulnerability is important, and also how to build resilience to shame–one of the powerful feelings that may be at the unconscious roots of that pesky behavior you wish you could change. It’s full of stories and bullet points making for an easy read.
Favorite Quote: “Vulnerability isn’t good or bad: It’s not what we call a dark emotion, nor is it always a light, positive experience. Vulnerability is the core of all emotions and feelings. To feel is to be vulnerable. To believe vulnerability is weakness is to believe that feeling is weakness. To foreclose on our emotional life out of a fear that the costs will be too high is to walk away from the very thing that gives purpose and meaning to living.” (p. 33)
The Healthy Compulsive: Healing Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder and Taking the Wheel of the Driven Personality
by Gary Trosclair
For all my go-getters and perfectionists out there, who are losing their felt sense of a meaningful life, this book is for you. Personality disorder are strong words, but if your constant internal pressure to achieve, and a rigid sense of obligation to the no-pain-no-gain philosophy are wreaking havoc in your personal life, or your physical health, this is worth a read.
Favorite Quote: “At times it is wise to consciously put certain feelings aside and do the practical or moral thing, but over time this strategy becomes an unconscious habit and erodes a mindful connection with a more effective guide to what’s most important. We like to imagine we can use reason as our sole source of direction… But the reality is that it’s really feeling that organizes and directs our behavior–-whether we want to admit it or not.” (pp. 65-66)
Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End
by Atul Gawande
Dying and end-of-life are the focus of this book, but all the way along Dr. Gawande is also describing what makes a meaningful life. Meaning is highly individual, and emotional. Often mental health difficulties are more chronic than they are acute, not because you will always feel the way you do now, but because your vulnerabilities and values conflicts will often put you into a similar emotional state again later. So think about this:
Favorite Quote: “...well-being is about the reasons one wishes to be alive. Those reasons matter not just at the end of life, or when debility comes, but all along the way. Whenever serious sickness or injury strikes and your body or mind breaks down, the vital questions are the same: What is your understanding of the situation and its potential outcomes? What are your fears and what are your hopes? What are the trade-offs you are willing to make and not willing to make? And what is the course of action that best serves this understanding?” (p. 259)
Rewire Your Anxious Brain: How to Use the Neuroscience of Fear to End Anxiety, Panic and Worry
by Catherine M. Pittman, PhD and Elizabeth M. Karle MLIS
I love this book for the clear understanding it gives of how the brain creates anxiety in multiple ways. It has very concrete strategies for reducing anxiety at the moment it’s happening. I often use the tools from this text to help clients get a basic management of their symptoms before moving on to understanding the unconscious conflicts that have set up your trigger system.
Favorite Quote: “You must activate the neurons to generate these connections. You must experience fear or anxiety to conquer it.” (p.129)
